Well yesterday morning while getting ready to go to church my mother called to let me know Erin had passed away, at this time we are not 100% sure why. At first it really didnt sink in, by nature you worry about the ones closes to you first for me it was my mother and Winn my stepfather who struggle with altimezers, then you think about your brother that just lost his baby girl, now that 24 hours has passed since the news I sit here thinking of all the parents I meet at the funerals I rode at.
How the numbness sets in, how you start to go on auto pilot, how you make the phone calls you need to make, and do the things that people that never lost some one this close and wonder how you do it without a tear.
I had gotten a job for sept to drive school bus and today was to be the first day of training, I got up after a sleepless night and went at least God put someone in the office that knew Erin and told me to go home to my family where I needed to be.
But it is strange you just seem to go through life, kind of like not being there numb to everything, people had said things to me today and I have answered but 30 seconds after I did I really didnt know what was said.
I worry about my mother trying to be strong for her husband Winn, I worry about Winn who doesnt fully understand what has happened who am afraid will look into the coffin and relaize that Erin is gone forever and totally withdraw from life, Winn and Erin had a very close relationship, He never judged Erin no matter what, and Erin always tried to see PopPop,
Many times I thought I understood what mothers and fathers deal with when they lose a son or daughter to the war when a young life is lose, but to be honest I HAVE no clue, I have no more of a clue after dealing with the lose of a young life so close to me.
I sit here and remember the times I did see Erin, the times I seen her picture and think she had such a bright future, and think she had such a grip on life, she was the good one, she was the one that listened, the one that didnt challenge everything.
I hold onto my strength in God at this moment, it is shakey at best but I try to hold tightly and keep it from wavering… I know Erin is in a better place, that she is no longer dealing with wanting to sleep the days of her life away.
I pray that Erins short life helps another young child see the wrong choices they make and wakes them up to reality. I was young once in life as well, was dealing with my own demons, I didnt use sleeping pills, ALCOHOL was my way out, I would drink until I passed out. I would find my own way to sleep. I know that feeling like the world is against you. I know that feeling that everyone was out to get me. I know the demons all to well. I pray that Erin now that she is gone from this world is able to help just one young life find a way to live a fuller life….
In Memory Of A Beautiful Young Lady
Erin you will be missed by many
To the families I have ridden for, to my faithful readers, know that a day doesnt go by that I dont stop and think of all of you. I pray for you all often may God touch each one of you everyday with a smile as you remember the ones you love that are no longer here
In Memory Of Their Service
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